I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you didnt know i had herpes?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
