She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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