I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
