I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
