she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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