I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
