Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
