They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
