last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
