So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
