pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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