the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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