a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
