my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
They have beer where we have blood.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
