someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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