We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
