The maid of honor just puked.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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