How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
