I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
