I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
