turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
