sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
