Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
