I like to think it a success when the cops are called
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
