He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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