Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
