maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
