so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
