I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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