sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
