I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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