i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
