At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
