Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize