You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
