but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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