Where did you get a picture of my penis
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
