did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
