real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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