I'm lost and stupid without you.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
