The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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