Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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