Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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