OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
