i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
