Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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