Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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