Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
