Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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