Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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