we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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