just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
