Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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