I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
