epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
