she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
