im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
