I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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