Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
