i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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