Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
