Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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