can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
