and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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