A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
