There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
