Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
