I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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