got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
