Pappa wants mamma naked
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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