Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
