so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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