Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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