I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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