Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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