sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize