My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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