He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
