i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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