addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
