I feel great
I just peed on a car
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I love having hate sex.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
